Tag Archive: Aspergers


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Twas the week before Christmas
And all thru the house
Autism was screaming,
And destroying my house.

The stockings were hung,
By..ARE U KIDDING ME!
her hair
And being tied firmly to uh chair

The children were twisted and possesd I believe…
Oh why is he laughing…?
I need to go see….

When out on the lawn, there rose a clatter ….
Oh dear! AHHH What’s the matter?

I rushed to the window
And…DAMMIT SON!
What should appear??

An angry neighbor
And the prank of the year!
(Faaaaaaaaawkkkkkk)

My Bright Aspie child, planned it with care,
NO MORE CYOTE CARTOONS!
I MEAN IT! I SWEAR!

There stood my neighbor
Trying to be nice-BUT
I knew in a moment-this dude is PISSED!

He stood at my door
And called out some names!
(On that,  sir, they were ALL profane!)

Just that quick, it really got worse,
For on the roof, I heard the tap of 6 little feet…

Oh a hideous tide of giggles abound
And before the man could turn around…

MOTHER OF GOD!!!

My voice had rose to a hideous sqweek
“PLEASE DON’T SUE ME” I plead
As he continued to seeth…..

Thank God his wife had just appeared
To say “their just kids…let them be”

With a knowing smile and a wink…
She lead dude away,…
Im wondering and thinking now…
I should buy some pepper spray!
-EDD

Posted from the Lunatic Fringe

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Its that time of year again! Shopping,decorations and visitors! Oh and of coarse…turning the world upside down for your autistic child!  Its hard to remember how hard it is for our special kids.  Even if you wanted to go extreme ….avoid the changes, or if you dont celebrate..its still hard in them.  They are ready to spin, bite and scream in the blink of an eye.  Why?  Parental stress, changes to environment and extra commotion.   I have a friend who is Jewish….her autistic child freaks out this time of year too.  They notice the neighborhood lights, extra traffic and all.  Loud enjoys all the lights, and asks to go see them.  It still plays havoc on his nerves.  So we know why? But what to do?  Keep in mind Im a parent, not an expert.  (So my advice is actually practical..lol) low pressure environment is key.  The child’s room, a spare room- any space you can give up for a while.  It should be a holiday free zone.  If you can afford it, some kids really like the fluffy throw rugs.  Have them participate in traditions like tree decoration and cooking.  If you don’t stress, they won’t stress. 

Posted from the Lunatic Fringe

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Wow I tried really hard to blog every day. Guess my vision of being a famous blogger is not gonna happen lil.   Its been interesting to say the least. Being the caretaker now that my work hours are reduced.  Loud, who has been put to bed at 9 -9:30pm for years…apparently needs a 6 pm bedtime.  He actually enjoys the early bedtime, and is easy to work with in the morning. Dali’s bedtime was pushed up to 7pm.  Moody’s bedtime remains the same.  Well I’ve been letting Moody babysit Dali but not Loud.  She begged for the paying gig for over a year now, but state laws have age restrictions.  Now that she’s 12 she can lawfully babysit.  Good news…she’s the best sitter Dali’s ever had! Not intimidated by the seizures and a first aid whiz!  Bad news….Loud’s sitter was a relative.  A little tit for tat dispute and….no sitter….oh well…just grab up the yellow pages and look up sitters…under sub category for willing to babysit autistic child for regular Wage (ok ok ….its all I can afford!) ….and then I woke up from THAT dream and done what any sane patent would a done….I flipped the heck out!  OMG!! OMG OMG!!!! One of us is going to have to quit working! Well what happened is this; I offered Moody a raise and Boom  set our bedroom up like a apartment.  Loud camped out there, and largely ignored Moody and Dali.  They had strict instructions to leave him alone. Moody did it in fine style!  It helps alot to be in the south.  The neighbors on each side and in front of us,  offered to jump in and help Moody at a moments notice.  Two of the families have stay at home parents who are always home.  So Moody has a lot of support and I can be home in 25 min now that Im working closer to home.  Life is getting better!

Posted from the Lunatic Fringe

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Ok…so here is the problem…Jane & John Citizen with a wall full of gold parenting stars…always on the TV …glowing and talking about embracing your special kid, celebrate diversity …..blah, blah and blah….THEIR Aspie kid screams in beautiful melodies and shits rainbows too I bet.  Oh ..and they n-e-v-e-r loose control ….oh noooo!  Yeah well FUCK YOU!!!!!!!!! Whew! THAT felt better! These people look like cardboard cut outs with giant teeth and REALLY make you feel like a dirt bag if you occasionally resent being parent to an autistic child.  I mean….HELL..where would I be with out ALL THAT SELF LOATHING???  Here is my point…Its not supposed to be this hard.  We go into this parenting thing with…well ..something like The Walton’s or Brady Bunch in mind….and end up with something more like Monday night smack down.  OH YES….I JUST LOOOOOVE BEING MOM TO A SCREAMING,SPINNING,SPITTING,KICKING 130 POUND INFANT!!! gee sign me up for 9 more just like him!!! Hell no I DON’T ENJOY THIS! Ok before we go dialing Nancy Grace…ask yourself this; do you actually enjoy the Autism part? No fluffy bull crap about love…and it being them….look a better question….if there was a cure,  wouldn’t you do anything to get it? Ok so point made. I love Loud very dearly. I will do anything to help Loud. Some days I don’t want to be his mom….does that mean I will Roast in hell? I doubt it…and u know what? I really want that cure. 

Posted from the Lunatic Fringe

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  This is the morning challenge.  We all know how this goes, wake up, melt down, eat, aggravate everyone, melt down,forget Meds,leave for school, return for drugs,leave again…drop him off at school…..park your duff at the Valium salt lick…  WAIT….we have a Valium salt lick? NO? Ok then…veered into la la land.  Now I accept my kid has Autism.  What I could not figure out is the screaming in the underpants thing. I’ve talked to many parents and BINGO. . Its defiantly an autism thing.  This ought to be #1 on the diagnostic criteria. If it had, we could have saved ourselves 5 years of turmoil and wrong diagnosis.  I can not figure out why, in what freaking planet do you spend 30 minutes screaming over a loose thread on your shirt, then emerge butt naked from your room because suddenly your underpants are touching you (dammit Son, REALLY?)  Scream because your socks are not right….then finally dress. Then after all that distress over the way the cloths look….scream bloody murder because he don’t want to brush those teeth or hair!
***Incoherent screaming + shocking curse words***
Then….5 minutes till go Time….we are…YEP YOU GUESSED IT…..
In his underpants, full dead weight on the floor…..screaming! 
***animalistic screaming %&* jumping up & down tearing at my hair***
Well in a quiet moment (ha ha ha-not really but the loud ringing in my ears was muffling the noise a bit) I got to thinkin….These Autistic kids might be onto something….so I locked myself in my room….carefully removing the kids favorite lock picking tools, smeared the door knob with ice cold ky jelly (OK STOPPING HERE TO ASSURE YOU THIS IS NOT GOING TO WIND UP KINKEY)
And I tried it…..Yep….the old screaming in my underpants! Wow….SCREAMING IN YOUR UNDERPANTS IS FREAKING AWESOME! Oh well..my neighbors think Im weird anyways….WOE love it! I recommend it….maybe next I will try chewing my shirt, clapping and spinning while patting random people  in Walmart! – Admit it…..it does look kinda fun…DON’T IT?

Posted from the Lunatic Fringe

Bad Momma Goose! BAD!!!!

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Today I called an autistic kid an Asshole….BAD Momma Goose Bad!!! Ok so yes I do this a lot.  I watched this whole Temple Grandin thing last night and was super inspired ….today was a new day….and Im gonna lick this thing….Im gonna be super momma and cure my kid….This is why youtube @ 4am is not a great idea….brain in stupid mode …&   Loud is asleep.  So this delusion of grandeur lasted until the second meltdown today….and I did what all super duper mommies do…..I bribed Loud with candy and called him an asshole as he happily chomped away smacking his lips, eyes glazed over and (seriously?) drooling.   Im beating myself up (not really…but it seems like the thing to say) Mrs. Brady…eat your heart out….because here in the real world….the line between asshole and aspergers sometimes is blurry.  And Mr. & Mrs. Concerned Citizen …..Loud thinks too literal to associate that name with himself….so no feelings were injured.

Posted from the Lunatic Fringe

Autism Speaks?

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Who thought of that slogan?  Autism does NOT SPEAK….It screams! For hours on end! Today I was trying to explain the thing about using a blue porch light for Autism awareness to Boom.  Boom raised a very valid point….our neighbors do not need a visual aid to be aware we are affected by Autism. They have several hours of auditory reminders every day.

Posted from the Lunatic Fringe

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Hello everyone. I reckon that it be best to tell y’all just who I am. Mayhap U want to know about my life way out  here on the Lunatic fringe.  English teachers: Now is a good time to take a Valium….the rest of us done took ours. (Seconds anyone?)
I am momma goose to three kids.  Im going to call them all by my super secret alter names.  Moody is 12, my eldest daughter.  Gifted classes, the A team and drama queen extrodinare….Loud is 10 , is a walking brain and has Aspergers Syndrome . Then we have sweet,  sensative Dali, my 8 year old.  Dali has a seizure disorder, and chronic bullying issues.  (I promise one day Ill explain the names).  Dali also behaves just like an Aspie child. My husband of 14 years I will call Boom. 
Im a private duty nurse, working mainly with children, and a Brownie leader.  I AM NOT A good mom….(put the gold stars back into the baggie).  Boom up until today was our Champion stay at home dad….now he’s back to work….Im back to sharing the load.  FAWKIN SYRUP AAAAAH!!!!!
Anyways, Im gonna need an outlet….Im sooo not the patient one….

Posted from the Lunatic Fringe